Here We Come Sin City Uh Oh!
by GACfan4Life
Summary: When Harper's brother calls her up to come with him and the guys to Las Vegas she refuses. But she knows how they act when they're together so she goes. What will happen when you mix drinks and partying? Remember.. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas! COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

"Tracy, it's Phil."

"Phil, where the hell are you guys? I'm freaking out."

"Yeah, listen, uh... we fucked up."

"What are you talking about?"

"The bachelor party. The whole night. It's... Things got out of control and, uh... we lost Doug."

"What?!"

I could just imagine the look on her face, which made me even more sad. This was supposed to be her perfect day and we ruined because of our little road trip.

"We can't find Doug."

"What are you saying, Phil? We're getting married in _**five hours**_."

"Yeah... that's not gonna happen," Phil said looking around.

Let me take you through the past 24 hours.

"No Stu."

"Please?"

"No. It's a bachelor party... meaning guys only," I said to my older brother through the phone.

"Alan's going to be coming along..."

"So?"

"So...I want you to come with us. Please?"

I sighed with annoyance, "Fine. When do I have to be ready?"

"In a couple of hours."

"Alright bye."

I hung up on him before he could say bye.

_Why me?_

I went up to my room and got ready.

A couple of hours went by until I heard a car horn in front of my house. I looked out and saw Doug in a Mercedes. I grabbed my bag, locked the house up, and went to the car.

"Hey there Harper."

"Hey Doug."

"Hi Harper."

"Hi Alan, how are you guys?" I asked as I put my bag in the trunk.

"I'm excited that I'm getting married."

"I'm excited that we're going on a road trip and Doug will be my brother after he marries my sister..."

I got in the car and Doug went to pick up my brother or Phil. I ignored Alan because he started rambling about some cartoon that he watched. About 25 minutes later we pulled up to a school, not just any school but the school that Phil works at.

"Did you have to park so close?"

"Yeah, what's wrong?" Doug asked Alan curiously.

"I shouldn't be here."

"Why is that, Alan?" I asked.

"I'm not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a school... or a Chuck E. Cheese."

Doug looked at me in the rear view when I looked at him with my eyebrows furrowed and I mouthed 'what?' and he just shrugged his shoulders. Pretty soon we heard a familiar voice.

"It's the weekend, Budnick. I don't know you. You do not exist."

_What a great teacher you are._

"Shit. Nice car." Phil said and threw his bag into the car.

His stupid bag almost hit me but Doug caught it in time.

"Thank you Doug."

"No problem."

"I'm driving," Phil declared.

"No chance bud- Don't step on- Watch the leather."

"Would you shut up and drive, before any of these nerds asks me another question."

"Wow! You'll win teacher of the year now," I said sarcastically.

Phil looked over at me and smirked.

"Hey there Herpes, how'a doin'?"

I rolled my eyes. He always called me that.

"One my name is Harper, HAR-PER. Two I don't have them. and three watch where you're throwing your stupid bag dumbass." I said shoving his bag into his chest.

He just smirked at me again then looked at the passenger seat.

"Who's this?"

"That's Alan," I said annoyed.

"It's Tracy's brother," Doug said while pulling away from the school.

"I meet you like four times."

"Oh. How are you doing man?"

_And he still doesn't remember._

On the way to my brother's house Phil decided to slide down the seat a little more so he could spread his legs out even further. I looked at him with a 'really?' look.

"What?" He asked innocently.

"You know what. And it ain't ever gonna happen you man whore."

"That's not a very nice thing to say now is it?" He asked sitting up.

"It is when it's true," I said looking the other way.

We pulled up to Stu's house and I could see his fire breathing dragon, excuse me I mean 'girlfriend' following him around the living room nagging him.

_Stu, you can do better than her._

"So who's going to get him?" Doug asked.

"I will, since he's my brother."

I was about to get out when Phil grabbed my wrist and pulled me back.

"I got this."

I sat back and watched. He put his hands to his mouth and started yelling.

"PAGING DR. FAGGOT!...DR. FAGGOT!"

"Nice going Phil. Now there going to fight...see," I said pointing to the window.

"Why are you so concerned?"

"He's my brother you know!"

Stu came out of the house and put his bags in the trunk.

"Thanks Phil," Stu said sarcastically.

"Not a problem."

I rolled my eyes and unfortunately scooted over to the middle so Stu could have a place to sit. When my brother got in I scooted closer to him and Phil smirked at me and shook his head.

"Everybody ready?" Doug asked excitedly as he pulled away from the house and started to the highway.

On the way to Sin City Phil kept putting his arm on the back of the seat and played with my hair which caused me to smack him which caused him to curse at me and led to Phil and Stu to argue. That went on for 45 minutes. I put my head on my brother's shoulder to watch the vehicles and scenery pass us by. Alan caught my attention when we suddenly stood up in the Mercedes.

_He's got a death wish._

"Woo! Road trip!"

I tried to hide my smile but couldn't when he started yelling at cars about him going to Vegas.

"Vegas!"

I saw a little blonde girl in the back seat of the car give Alan the bird and he shut up quickly, which made me and the others laugh.

"Come on just until Barstow, everybody's passing us."

"Absolutely not. I promised Sid that I will be the only one driving this car. Besides you're drinking."

"Are you a cop now? You know I drive great when I'm drunk."

"That's true. Don't forget he was always are designated drunk driver."

I started thinking back while Alan went on about the car.

_It was closing time at a bar that me and Phil went to. I just had a bad break-up with my boyfriend of two years and Phil decided to drag me out so I could have some fun. _

_"Was that fun or what?" Phil asked as he leaned into to balance himself as we walked to his car._

_"I think that's what I needed. Thanks Philly."_

_We got in his car ungracefully, I might add and he was taking me to my apartment. While Phil was driving I was playing with the radio until I found a song by Wilson Phillips._

_**"I know there's pain**_  
_**Why do you lock yourself up in these chains?**_  
_**No one can change your life except for you**_  
_**Don't ever let anyone step all over you,"**__ I sang out loud._

_**"Just open your heart and your mind**_  
_**Is it really fair to feel this way inside?"**__ Phil sang._

_Then we both started singing as loud as we could._

_**"Some day somebody's gonna make you want to**_  
_**Turn around and say goodbye**_  
_**Until then baby are you going to let them**_  
_**Hold you down and make you cry**_  
_**Don't you know?**_  
_**Don't you know things can change?**_

_**Things'll go your way**_  
_**If you hold on for one more day**_  
_**Can you hold on for one more day?**_  
_**Things'll go your way**_  
_**Hold on for one more day"**_

_We laughed at ourselves and laughed that Phil almost hit somebody's mail box. Phil and I finally made it to my apartment. He helped me up the steps and we made it to my door._

_"Thanks again Phil."_

_"Not a problem Harper."_

_I was stunned because one he's never said my name, he always called me herpes and two he pushed me into my door and started kissing me. I started to kiss back but I stopped myself and turned my head to the side._

_"We can't do this."_

_"What?"_

_"You're married Phil and we're drunk."_

_I turned around and unlocked my door. When the lock clicked I opened the door._

_"Goodnight Phil," I said and shut my door in his face._

I was jerked out of my memory when we almost hit a semi-truck. My automatic reaction was to grab something, which just happened to be Phil, which I wasn't planning on but I was panicking.

"That's not funny Alan. We could have been killed!" I said angrily while letting go of Phil.

"That was awesome."

"That was not awesome. What is wrong with you?" Doug asked.

"We almost died," My brother said.

A few minutes later everything seemed to calm down.

"Doug?"

"Yeah Harper?" He asked looking into the rearview mirror real quick.

"I got to go to the bathroom."

"Why don't we just stop on the side of the road and you can go?" Phil asked.

"Last time I checked I'm not a guy. I can't go around whipping that _**thing**_ out every time I have to pee," I snapped at Phil.

"Relax Harper, there's a gas station coming up. Besides we need to stop anyway to fill the car up," Doug said.


	2. Chapter 2

When Doug parked the car I hopped out and practically ran into the station. The cashier looked at me weird as I whizzed by her to the restroom. When I was done doing everything, washing my hands, check the hair, make-up, etc., I was about to open the door when I heard my brother talking.

"Yeah... We're just about there...These trees and buildings are beautiful..."

I rolled my eyes and walked out of the restroom. Stu looked at me then continued his conversation with the fire breathing dragon.

"When I get back we'll go...ok, love you too...bye."

"You know it's pretty sad when you have to lie about where you're going," I said grabbing some hot Cheetos and a Coke.

"It's just easier this way."

"I don't know why you put up with her Stu. It's obvious that you don't like her as much as you're letting on," I said as we made our way back to Phil and Doug.

I put my things on the counter and Stu put his water on the counter.

"All good with Melissa?" Doug asked, even though he really didn't care.

"Oh, yeah. Told her we're two hours outside of wine country, and she bought it."

_For now._

"Don't you think it's strange that you've been in a relationship for three years and you still have to lie about going to Vegas?"

"That's pretty much what I asked him," I said to Phil, which in return Phil looked at me.

"Yeah, I do. But trust me, it's not worth the fight."

He looked back at Stu with an eyebrow raised and asked,

"Oh, so you can't go to Vegas but she can fuck a bellhop on a Carnival Cruise Line?"

I looked at the cashier lady and she had this expression that read 'You're really talking about this here?' I gave her a small apologetic smile and took my things.

"Okay, first of all, he was a bartender. And she was wasted. And, if you must know, he didn't even come inside her."

I started feeling weird because one he's my brother and he's talking about sex in front of me. And two I don't need to know about his love life like that.

"And you believe that?"

"Uh, yeah, I do believe that, because she's grossed out by semen."

"That's it I'm outta here."

I headed to the door to get back into the car. Unfortunately Phil was right on my heels.

"What's wrong with you?" He asked.

"Nothing."

"Don't you talk about sex at your job?"

"No I do not. I teach kids how to swim and other days I watch kids in the nursery part of the center while their parents exercise."

"See they do that there."

I turned around and saw him smirking.

"No. They are being trained by body builders to get back into shape. You're such a dumbass," I said as I turned back around and climbing back into the car.

Shortly after we started on the road again. It was nice and quiet until Alan started talking while looking at a book.

_Alan PLEASE shut up for the rest of the ride. When we get back home I'm going to kill Stu for making me come along._

"It says here we should work in teams. Who wants to be my spotter?"

"I don't think you should be doing too much gambling tonight, Alan."

"Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? It's not gambling when you know you're gonna win. Counting cards is a foolproof system."

"It's also illegal."

"It's not illegal. It's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane."

_Here we go again_.

I shook my head with an inaudible sigh.

"I'm pretty sure that's illegal too," Phil said while he put his arm behind me and started to play with my hair, again.

"Yeah, maybe after 9/11, where everybody got so sensitive. Thanks a lot, bin Laden."

"Either way, you gotta be super smart to count cards, buddy, okay?" Doug asked.

"Oh, really?"

"It's not easy," I said pushing Phil's arm away from me.

"Okay, well, maybe we should tell that to Rain Man, because he practically bankrupt a casino, and he was a ratard."

"What?" Me and Stu said in unison.

"He was a ratard," Alan repeated.

"Retard," Doug said correcting Alan.

"Alan do you want to play a game?" I asked nicely

"What would that be?"

"See who is quiet the longest," I said nicely as I heard Phil snicker.

"Sure."

"Good. And we start...Right...Now!"

Five minutes past by and no one said anything.

_Finally it's quiet time_.

I put my head on Stu's shoulder and closed my eyes.

I felt someone pat my leg so I opened my eyes to see Stu doing it.

"What?"

"We're here. It's time to wake up."

I lifted my head from his shoulder to stretch. We all got out and went into Caesars Palace. The receptionist greeted us.

"We have a reservation under Dr. Price."

"Dr. Price?" Phil asked.

"Can we not do this right now?" I asked looking at Phil.

He looked at me for a second then back at Stu.

"Stu, you're a dentist. Don't tried to get fancy."

"It's not fancy if it's true."

"Good point. Now leave him alone Phil," I said.

But he kept it up.

"He's a dentist, don't get to excited. And if someone has a heart attack you should still call 911."

"We'll be sure to do that."

"Can I ask you a question?" Alan asked bringing out his pager.

_Who carries those around anymore? Well besides of doctors._

I groaned and headed over to a bench to sit down. I was sitting there watching the guys' transaction going on for our room when someone came and sat next to me.

"Hey."

"Hi," I said to him.

"How are you liking Vegas so far?"

I blinked a couple of times.

"You are a tourist aren't you?"

"Yeah. Is it that obvious?"

"A little. You have that look that says 'I don't know any good places around here.' My name's Leon by the way."

"My name's Harper."

"How long are you staying here in Vegas?"

"Just for tonight. One of my friends is getting married."

"That's cool so-"

"Herpes! Let's go!"

I groaned with my head hanging.

"Herpes?"

"He likes calling me that for no reason."

"Well it looks like your group is ready. Maybe I'll see you around?"

"Maybe."

I got up and went towards the guys. When I got there I shoved Phil.

"You are such an ass! Do you have to ruin everything for me? If you get to have fun, I get to have fun so stop messing with me!"

He held his hands up.

"Ok."

We got on the elevator and went to our room. When Stu opened it up my mouth dropped to the ground. The room was huge. There was a mini bar, a huge crystal chandelier hanging in the middle of the room, a piano, and we had a perfect view of the city. They were all saying how the suite was awesome in their own ways.

"Thank you guys. Or should I say thank you Stu," Doug said.

"You're welcome. It's only because I love you."

I looked over at Alan and he was messing with a mini jar of almonds.

"Look free almonds."

"Alan put those back," I said.

"Why?"

"Because every thing that is a drink or food has a weight sensor on it. Meaning if you take one almond we get charged for it," I explained.

"And I can't get charged for it."

"Will you two relax," Phil said as he filled up a cup of water.

"But Melissa checks my bank account."

"Phil picked up the almonds then put the glass of water in it's place.

"Problem solved."

_Why didn't I think of that?_

"Alright. Pick a room. Get dressed. We have 30 minutes."

I went to my room to pick out what I was going to wear then went to the bathroom to take a quick shower. Then I was done I wrapped a towel around me and stuck my head through the door to see if anybody was out in the living room.

_Good._

I made my way to my room and shut the door I turned around I came face to face with Phil.

"What are you doing in here?" I hissed at him.

"Came to see if you almost ready," He said scanning my body.

"Well obviously I'm not," I started then opened the door, "Now get the hell out so I can get ready!"

"What the fuck is your problem?" He asked as he started to the door.

"I don't have a problem you disgusting womanizing pig."

"Whatever," he muttered and walked out of the room.

I slammed the door then got ready. When I was done I went to Stu's room just in time to see him give Doug our grandmother's Holocaust ring.

"Stuart! I hope you're not planning on giving our grandmother's ring to that fire breathing dragon!"

I felt a pair of eyes looking me over so I looked. Phil, big surprise. I rolled my eyes at him and looked back at Stu for an explanation.

"It's been three years. It's time to propose to her."

"Wow! She's got you whipped and brainwashed, rinsed, and dried," I said.

"Thank you Herpes!" Phil said and in return I flipped him off. "Have you not been listening to anything I've been telling you?" Phil asked looking at Stu.

"Yes. But I think it's time."

"She's a complete bitch. If your sister here doesn't like her then there's a problem."

Phil did have a point. I get along with everybody, including Phil. When I start getting irritated with Phil I snap at him but other than that I get along with him and everybody else. I've tried to be friends with Melissa but she's so up tight about everything and nit-picky.

"That's his fiance," Doug said.

"So? She's still a bitch," I said crossing my arms.

Phil got off the bed and said,

"It's true. She beats him."

And here came Stu to defend her like always.

"That was twice. I was out of line. She's strong willed. And I respect that."

I smacked my forehead while Phil continued on with his rant.

_There's a difference between strong willed and being an abusive bitch._

"Hey guys are you ready to let the dogs out?"Alan asked, breaking up the bickering.

"What?" we all asked in unison.

"You know like 'Who let the dogs out? Who? Who?"

"Who brought this guy along?"

"Yes Alan," Doug answered, then congratulated Stu one more time.

We left the room so he could finish getting ready. Soon after he came out dressed and ready. Phil hit the 'up' button and I looked at him weird. Alan stopped walking and was standing like a diva.

"You're not really wearing that are you?" Phil asked Alan.

"Wearing what?"

"The man purse. You actually gonna wear that or are you guys just fuckin' with me?"

"It's a satchel," I muttered.

"It's where I keep all my things. Get a lot of compliments on this. Plus it's not a purse, it's called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one."

"So does Joy Behar."

The doors finally opened for us to get on.

_EWWW!_

Some guy with a porno mustache got back to his feet after he gave his girlfriend AKA his one night stand some needed attention. He started looking at me with those eyes that read 'I want to eat you alive'.

"We're going up guys."

_We can see that._

"Yeah that's perfect," Phil said.

Once we were in the elevator Phil stood right behind me and wrapped his arms around me. I knew that he saw the guys reaction when he saw me and Phil was protecting me. For once in my life I'm glad Phil was around. The couple finally got off and we made it to the very top floor.

"It clearly marked no one's supposed to go past that unless you work here," Stu said.

"Stu. C'mon we're paying for a villa. We can do what ever the fuck we want," Phil stated.

Stu propped the door open a little.

"Ladies first," Phil said gesturing to the ladder.

"Then you better get going."

Phil glared at me and started up the ladder while the others chuckled. When I made it up to the very top of the building you could see the entire city, it was beautiful. Alan brought over some shot glasses and Jagermeister. Stu made a toast to Doug while Alan was filling our shot glasses then we clinked our glasses and drank the Jagermeister.

"Alright. I wanna talk about something. I want to-" Phil was saying but was interrupted by Alan.

Phil looked like he was going to strangle Alan until Doug patted his shoulder. Alan took out a piece of paper and started reading it out loud.

"Hello. How 'bout that ride in? I guess that's why they call it Sin City," he started then chuckled a little, "You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one. So there... there were two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, "Wait a second, could it be?" And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys and one girl to my wolf pack. Five of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!"

He pulled out a switch blade and cut his palm.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked freaked out a little just like the rest the rest of the guys.

"Blood brothers and blood sister."

"Alan. We're not going to cut ourselves. Give me the knife," Doug said slowly making his way to Alan.

Alan handed Doug the knife and started sucking his blood. Phil made sure Alan was ok and when Phil knew he was ok he started talking about selective memory. While I poured everybody another shot. We gathered in a circle with our shots raised.

"To a night we'll never remember. With the five of us we'll never forget."

We clinked glasses again and started our night.


	3. Chapter 3

I was finally starting to regain consciousness. I was nice and warm and...wet? I opened my eyes in time to see Alan trip over something then go into the bathroom. I looked around me and the suite was a disaster. It looked like a war zone. There were beer bottles everywhere, a red solo cup pyramid, the TV was hanging off the wall, a chair was smoking, and there was a chicken?

_What the hell happened last night?_

I looked to my right and found a blow up sex doll. I quickly got out and wrapped a towel around me the same time Alan came out of the bathroom in a panic and tripped over something. Or should I say someone.

"Phil why are you on the floor?" I asked.

He looked at me and said,

"How the hell should I know. Why are you in a towel?"

"I woke up in the hot tub."

"Phil don't go in there! There's a tiger in the bathroom!" Alan said.

"What?" I asked then turned around when I heard groaning.

Stu was stumbling everywhere then he finally made it to a chair and flopped down on it. I turned back around when I saw Phil coming out of the bathroom quickly.

"He's not fucking kidding. There's a tiger in there," He said coming over to the couch.

I hurried to my room to get some clothes on while I heard Phil tell Alan to put pants on.

_What happened? Why can't I remember anything? Where are the bed sheets? Nevermind. And how is there a tiger in the bathroom?_

I came out of my room and sat next to my brother. I felt like a train ran me over.

"Harper. Phil. Am I missing a tooth?"

"Let me- Oh my God!" I said shocked.

Phil covered his mouth because he started laughing and Stu picked up a silver tray to look at his mouth.

"Oh my God my lateral incisor is gone!"

"Will you just calm down. Everything's fine. Alan go wake Doug up so we can get some coffee and get the fuck outta here," Phil said.

"How am I supposed to tell Melissa how my tooth went missing?"

"I don't know. You're feaking me out right now. I've got a massive headache-"

"I'm sure all of us do Phil," I stated in annoyance.

"Hey guys. He's not in there."

"Did you check all the rooms?" Phil asked.

"Yeah. Plus his mattress is gone."

_How can his mattress be gone?_

"He probably went to the pool to get something to eat," Phil said fishing out his phone.

When he put the phone up to his ear we heard Doug's phone going off nearby. Alan started searching for it. When he found it he answered it.

"Hello?"

"Alan."

"Hey."

"It's Phil."

"Oh hey Phi- This is Doug's phone," Alan said as he shut it.

"No shit," me and Phil said at the same time.

_Alan I'm begging you please don't be an idiot today!_ _We've got to find-_

I was interrupted by a cry. I looked at my brother then to Phil with wide eyes.

"What the fuck was that?" My brother asked slowly.

I got up and started searching. I was led to I closet and the guys were right behind me when I opened it.

"Who's fucking baby is that?" Phil asked.

"Really Phil?" I asked as I picked the baby boy up.

"Alan are you sure you didn't see anybody else in the suite?" Stu asked.

"Yeah I checked all the rooms. No ones here. Check it's collar or something."

"Alan!" I snapped, "This is a human being like you, me, Phil, Stu, and Doug. Humans don't have collars!" I started rocking the baby, "It's ok sweetie."

Stu was helping out on trying to calm the baby down.

"Look. We don't have time for this. We'll deal with the baby later," Phil said.

"How insensitive can you be? We're not leaving a baby in here, especially with a tiger right down the hall!" I said glaring daggers into Phil.

"It's not our fuckin' baby."

I held the baby for Stu and Stu took him. As soon as the baby was out of my hands I slapped Phil hard on his right cheek. I could see Stu cringe when my hand made contact with Phil's cheek.

"You are unbelievable! You are such an insensitive bastard!"

"Sorry."

I took the baby from Stu while Phil rubbed his cheek.

"I have to agree with Harper on this one," Alan said.

"Fine. Will you put on some pants," Phil said to Alan.

Once Alan had on some pants we left the suite. Alan begged me to let him hold the baby and I finally gave in. The elevator stopped and an old lady came in.

"Oh, how cute. What's his name?"

"Ben."

"Carlos."

It got awkward then. So I said,

"His names Ben but his uncle likes to call him by his middle name."

"Oh."

The elevator opened and we stepped out and went to the outside pool to eat. Stu stayed inside for a few minutes to find out about Doug or something while me, Phil, Alan, and the baby sat at a table. I was eating some scrambled eggs when I heard Alan say,

"Hey, Phil, Harper, look."

He was making the baby masturbate.

"He's jackin' his little weenis."

"Pull yourself together, bro," Phil said with a chuckle.

"Will you two grow up."

"Not at the table, Carlos."

Stu came up to the table and sat down.

"Find anything out?" I asked.

"No. I looked everywhere, gym, front desk. Nobody's seen Doug. He's not here."

"He's fine. He's a grown man. Seriously Stu, you need to calm down. Here have some orange juice." Phil said handing Stu my juice.

"Ass," I muttered.

Stu turned his head and threw up and I pushed my plate away, after seeing that I was done. Phil started writing down all of the things we remembered as I fed the baby some milk.

"What is this?" Alan asked.

I looked at what he was holding up and Stu started feaking out.

"Oh my God! That is my tooth! Why do you have that? What else is in your pocket?"

"This is a good thing. Empty your pockets," Phil said while he emptied out his.

I didn't have to because I wore a dress last night.

"I have an ATM from the Belligio at 11:05 for... $800! I am so fucked!"

"I have a valet ticket from Caesars. It' looks like we got in at 5:15 am."

"Oh shit. We drove last night?"

"Driving drunk? Classic," Alan said laughing, "What's on your arm?" He asked seriously to Phil.

Phil looked at it arm.

"Jesus Phil. You were in the hospital last night."

"Are you ok?" Alan asked.

"Yeah Alan. I'm fine."

"What the hell is going on?" Stu asked then looked at me weird.

"What?"

"Did you get married?"

"I would know if I got marr-" I stopped when I looked at my left hand.

On my left ring finger was a diamond ring.

"Please tell me I didn't get married!"

"Calm down. Let's go to the hospital to see if they know anything," Phil said calmly.

We were waiting on our car when Phil asked someone about the mattress on the statue.

"Oh no," I said quietly.

"What?" Phil asked looking at me.

I pointed to the valet. He pulled up in a police car and got out.

"Everybody act cool," Phil said.

"You can't be serious," Stu said.

"Just get in," Phil snapped.

I got in the front seat while the guys were talking about tipping the valet later. Phil got in the drivers seat and Alan opened the back door and hit the baby.

"Alan!" I yelled.

Stu checked the baby over then said,

"He's fine Harper."

"He better be or I'm going to kill Alan and leave his body in the desert so birds can eat him."

"Calm down Harper," Phil said putting his hand on my left knee.

Alan and Stu got in the back and we took off. My mind was racing. Phil just called me by my actual name, Doug is missing, Doug and Tracy's wedding is today, I got married and I don't remember, Stu's missing a tooth for some unknown reason, Phil was in the hospital, and we have a baby in the backseat of the cop car. 25 minutes later we were stuck in a major traffic jam.

"And I thought traffic back home was ridiculous," I muttered, which made Phil chuckle.

Phil honked the horn and Stu said,

"This is so illegal."

"Can't you see the fun part in anything?" Phil asked.

Yeah. We're stuck in traffic with a stolen police car with what is sure to be a missing child in the back. Which part of this is fun?

"I think the cop car part's pretty cool," Alan said.

I nodded my head, he had a point.

"Thank you Alan. It is cool. Doug would love it."

He honked again and yelled out the window. Phil looked at me and I knew that look.

"Phil please," I said pleadingly and that got me a smirk from him. "Please Phil Don't."

"Check this out."

And with that he turned the lights and sirens on while pulling onto the sidewalk.

"We don't want to call attention to ourselves!" Stu said.

Phil grabbed the microphone just to be spiteful and said,

"Attention! Attention! Please move out of the way! I repeat please disperse."

"Stop the car I wanna get out," Stu chanted.

"Stu shut the hell up for a minute," I said looking at my brother.

"Ma'am, in the leopard dress, you have an amazing rack," Phil said into the microphone again.

I turned back around and rolled my eyes at Phil.

"I should have been a fucking cop."

"Why? So you could search women?" I asked disgustedly.

"That too. Thanks for the idea."

"Ass," I muttered and looked out the window.


	4. Chapter 4

When we arrived at the hospital I took the baby form Alan as we followed Phil's 'doctor' into a patients room. I sat down and started bobbing my knee up and down to entertain the baby.

"Look. I already told you, you came in with a mild concussion, some mild bruised ribs. No big deal. All though none of you could articulate on how it happened."

"Do you remember how many of us were here?" Phil asked.

"You four, one other person with you, and defiantly no baby."

"That's are guy! Was he ok?" Stu asked.

"Yeah he was just wacked out of his mind. All you were."

The doctor made the old man stand up and drop his pants. I turned me and the baby around while the others turned around too.

"Ok. Felix you can put your robe back on now. There will be a nurse coming in, in a minute," The doctor said while getting up from the stool.

He washed his hands and Phil bribed him with money.

"Follow me."

We all followed the doctor to the nurse station. Stu was trying to look at the report but the doctor wouldn't let him. When we made it to the station he put the folder down on the desk.

"Wow. You're blood work came in this morning. It looks like you had a high amount of Rophynol in your system."

"ro-?"

"Rophynol Phil. Also known as the date rape drug. ruffies," I said.

"She's a smart one," The doctor said.

"So you're saying I was raped last night?"

The doctor looked at his notes for the longest time.

"I don't think so. But I do know you were all over this lady last night here in this hospital," He said pointing to me.

My eyes widened in horror as I looked at Phil, which in return he looked at me.

_I was making out with Phil?! He's freaking married Harper!_

"I'm not surprised you didn't remember anything."

Alan let out a cackle and said,

"Doc. None of could remember anything from last night, remember?"

"Yeah. How could someone have drugged all of us?" Phil asked.

"I wouldn't worry about it. By now the stuff is out of your system. Now I have to go."

"Do you remember us talking about something or where we were going?" Stu asked.

The doctor thought for a minute then said,

You guys were talking about a wedding."

"No shit. Our friend is getting married."

"You were talking about a wedding you just came from. At the Best Little Chapel."

Phil took out his napkin full of notes and asked,

"Do you know where that's at?"

"I do, it's at the corner of get a map and fuck off. I'm a doctor, not a tour guide. You four are grown. You can figure it out yourselves," the doctor said then took off.

We finally found The Best Little Chapel after we searched for 35 minutes. Phil pulled in and got out quickly.

"What about the baby?" Alan asked.

"Leave him in the car. We'll only be five minutes."

"Whoa! We're not leaving a baby in the car," Stu said.

"He'll be fine. I cracked a window."

"Phil! You can't leave a helpless child in the car whether it's yours or not!"

Phil grabbed my wrist and started pulling me the the chapel.

"The faster we get this done the faster we get back to the baby."

I sighed and looked back to the car, then looked ahead. When we got inside, it was very beige.

"What happens if they don't remember us?" Stu asked.

"Well, let's just find out. Excuse me sir?" Phil asked.

The guy turned around and he seemed very happy to see us.

"Look at this," he said with a laugh, "You miss me? You want more from Eddie?" he said while giving Phil a hug.

The guy went on about how crazy we were and hugging us.

_So he remembers us._

"Listen to me, I'm gonna' tell you something. I know some sick people in my life, this guy is the craziest, wildest bastard I ever met in my life!" Eddie said referring to my brother.

"What?" I asked confused.

"This guy is out of his mind. What's going on you fucking crazy motherfucker? I thought he was going to eat my dick. What happen? No love for Eddie?"

"No. It's not that Eddie, it's just we're having a hard time remembering what happened here last night."

"Was there a wedding here last night? Do you do weddings?"

I clenched my teeth so I wouldn't blow up on Alan for asking the most stupidest question. In my mind I was strangling him. Eddie laughed at the question.

"You're cracking my balls man. I love these guys."

"Excuse me Eddie?" I asked.

"Ah and you. You were all over this guy last night," he said pointing to Phil.

_Great. I'm a home wrecker._

"We don't have much time here Our friend is missing. So can you just tell us if any of us got married? Or if our friend was here with us?"

"Yeah. There was another guy with you, he looked like a monkey" He said then motioned for us to follow him.

We followed him to the front of the chapel. He pulled out a photo album and Stu opened it up. The very first page was him and a pretty blonde girl in a yellow dress with a white hat.

"congratulations Stu. You got married," Alan said.

"This can't be happening," Stu whined as he went through the photos.

"I'll tell you one thing. You look seriously happy here," Phil commented while looking at the photos.

"And you two were too," Eddie said to me and Phil while pulling out another photo album.

"What?!" I asked taking the the book.

Phil was right behind me looking at the pictures. There was one picture of us kissing. Another one Phil had me picked up bridal style, another one we were making out in the pews with Phil's hand going up my dress. I put the book back down, I felt sick to my stomach and had tears in my eyes.

"This can't be true. Do you do annulments here? I can't be married to him, he's already married."

"Wait! You married my sister!"

"I guess. Why does it matter?"

"Because you married my sister right after your divorce got finalized!" Stu yelled in Phil's face.

"You got divorced?" I asked shocked.

"Yeah. So?"

"Why? I thought you loved her?"

"Are you kidding me? I hated her. I only married her to spite you!"

"Well I want this marriage to be over now. You and I both know it's never going to last!" I yelled.

"We're not getting an annulled. The end," Phil said looking me in the eyes.

I shook my head and exited the chapel. I couldn't believe this. He only married her to spite me, he married me and we didn't remember, and I wanted to get out of this marriage with him but he was forcing me to stay married to him. I climbed in the backseat to be with the baby. I picked him up and played with him until the guys came out. Stu started having a meltdown by yelling, throwing coffee cups and hats on the ground. I put the baby back down and got out. Alan got in the car while Stu answered his phone, pretty soon he got in the car while Phil and I stood alone.

"Look Harp-"

"Save it. I don't want to hear your excuse. I hear your excuses all the time and it's the same thing over and over again. And I don't want to hear you say your sorry because I know you don't mean it. Let's just find this baby's home, find Doug and get the hell home," I said with my arms crossed and walked back to the passenger side.

"You want the truth?! Well here it is Harper! I love you!"

I stopped in my tracked and my hands fell to my side.

_Did I just here him right?_

"You're just saying that."

"No I'm not. I've loved you since we went to college together," he said hugging me from behind.

"Then why didn't you just come out and tell me?"

"It's kind of hard to do that when your brother is standing right there protecting his little sister from any guy that tries to talk to her."

I turned around in his arms and looked into his gorgeous blue eyes.

"You were afraid of Stu?"

"He threatened my manhood. You know how much that means to me."

I rolled my eyes.

"You really are something Phil."

"So will you stay with me and accept my apology?"

"I guess."

He smirked and kissed me. He let me go and we got into the car. I got in the back with Stu and the baby. Phil was about to turn the car on when an orange sports car pulled up behind us. They got out, one was holding a baseball bat.

"Phil," I said with panic in my voice.

They hit the car and went to the front.

"They just started up the tractor. I think it backfired," Stu said into the phone, lying to Melissa.

Phil tried to reason with the two guys but the one with the baseball bat hit the windshield making it crack. Which made me jump and the baby started crying. I unbuckled him and held him close.

"It's ok sweetie. Phil C'mon!"

"Why would there be a baby? We're at a winery. It's a goat. Sir! Can you please start the tractor!"

"I'm trying to but we're fucking blocked!"

The guy hit the windshield again.

"HEY! THERE"S A BABY ON BOARD!" Alan yelled.

"It's a baby goat," Stu reasoned into the phone.

The other guy pulled out a gun and yelled at us to get out of the car.

"Phil, Do something please," I said officially panicked.

"He's got a gun!" Alan said.

"No shit! He's got a gun!"

"I'll call you right back."

Phil started the car and floored it. The guy in the black wife beater shot Eddie in the shoulder.

"He just shot Eddie!" I said.

Phil hit a car then put the cop car in reverse hitting the orange sports car. Then he pulled into the street and took off as fast as he could go. Stu's phone started to ring.

"Why don't you let that one go to voicemail?" Phil suggested.

"Ha! Ha! Ha! That's a fake laugh by the way," Stu said.

"It's ok now sweetie. We're fine," I said to the baby.

_The sooner we find your mom, the sooner I can quit worrying about you._


	5. Chapter 5

Jade didn't live to far way so we found her apartment complex pretty quickly. We started up the stairs when a woman came out of one of the doors on a phone. She looked over at us and said in the phone,

"I found him. I'll call you back."

She hung up the phone and came to us.

"Thank God, he's with his father. I was freaking out."

_What?_

She took the baby and held him in her arms.

"I missed you sweetie," She said to the baby then turned to Stu, "And I missed you," she said in a seductive tone and made out with my brother.

I raised my eyebrow and looked at Phil, in return he shrugged.

"What the hell happened to you guys?" She asked when she broke away from Stu.

"Actually, we were hoping you could tell us," Phil stated.

"What do you mean? I got up this morning to get you guys coffee and when I came back you were gone... Why are you being so quiet?" She asked Stu.

"I'm not being quiet."

"That's so cute. I got to feed Tyler, come inside guys."

"You hear that? The baby's name is Tyler," Alan said sadly.

"Yeah, I thought he looked more like a Carlos too, bud," Phil said comforting Alan.

_Phil comforting someone?! Somebody needs to check if Hell just froze!_

We followed her into the room and sat on her couch as she went to the kitchenette to get us drinks.

"What's up? You guys are quiet."

"Right. Uh...Jade. You remember our friend Doug?" Phil asked.

"Are you kidding? He was the best man at our wedding."

"Exactly. We can't find him and we're getting a little worried."

I noticed something on her finger that looked very familiar so I elbowed my brother lightly and nodded my head to Jade's hand. He looked and spewed his drink out, which made the baby cry. Jade hurried off and Phil looked at Stu.

"What the fuck man? You've got to pull yourself together."

"Phil she's got our grandmother's holocaust ring," I whispered harshly.

"Fuck."

"I didn't know they gave out rings during the holocaust."

We all looked at Alan like he was an idiot.

"He's ok. He's just hungry," Jade said while coming back to the living room to sit down in the chair.

"Alright. About last night...Do you remember the last time you saw Doug?"

"Um...I haven't seen him since the wedding."

"The wedding. Ok," Phil said and started pulling out the napkin to right the information down. "What time was that at?"

"Well?" She started then pulled down her shirt so the baby could breast feed.

Phil cleared his throat and I gave him a warning look when he looked at me.

"I guess it was about one. Because I had to go back to work to finish my shift. And when I got out I headed to the hotel with Tyler."

"And was Doug there then?" I asked.

"I didn't see Doug. You guys were passed out and the room was a wreck. So I just curled up next to Stu," She explained and then made a cat noise.

Stu looked very uncomfortable and he looked like he was trying not to hurl all over the lace.

"I've got a question. Um...You said when your shift ended, does that mean you're a nurse? Or a blackjack dealer?"

"You know this. I'm a stripper. Well technically I'm an escort. Stripping is a great way to meet the clients."

"Smart," Phil said.

"Savvy," Stu said.

"But that's all in the past now since I married a doctor."

"I'm just a dentist."

I jumped ten feet in the air when a cop kicked the door open with his gun held towards us and yelling. We put our hands up and his partner came in and put handcuffs on us.

"Phil. Someone needs to call Tracy," I said sadly.

"I know. I'll do it," he said getting up and going to the payphone.

When he picked up the receiver I sighed and looked ahead of me.

_Please tell me this is a bad dream!_

"Harper?"

"Not right now Stu," I mumbled.

"After we take the mug shots, we bring them on down here where they wait by the arresting officers. Trust me kids, you do not want to be sitting in these benches. We call this place 'Loserville,'" an officer said to a group of kids.

_And we like to call this place 'Assholeville'._

The officer started walking and a boy with brown spikey hair blew me a kiss and winked at me and I cringed. And a chubby blond boy pulled out his phone and took a picture of Alan. Alan wasn't to pleased so he kicked the phone out of the boys hand.

"Alan," I scolded.

"What?"

"You don't do that to a child, no matter what they are doing!"

"Wenneck! Price! Garner! Let's go!"

Phil said a quick goodbye to Tracy and the rest of us got up. We also twisted ourselves into a handcuffed mess.

When we got into the interrogation room the officers uncuffed us and we sat down.

"Gentlemen and Miss-"

"It's actually Mrs.," Phil corrected officer Franklin.

"Shut up Phil," I hissed quietly.

"We got some good news and we got some bad news. The good news is we found your Mercedes," Franklin said as if Phil didn't interrupt.

I sighed in relief as the didn't the own kind of relief.

"That's great news," Stu said.

"Yeah," Franklin said unenthused, "It's over at the impound right now. We picked it up at five am this morning. Parked in the middle of Las Vegas boulevard."

"That's weird," Phil muttered.

"Yeah, that is weird. There's also note that says 'Couldn't find a meter, so here's four bucks'," Franklin said while tossing a napkin down on the table for us to look at.

It looked like Phil's writing.

_Only Phil would've done this._

"The bad news is we can't get you in front of a judge until Monday morning," He said while sitting down across from us and next to his partner.

"What?" I said.

"No. Uh... Officer that's just impossible. We need to be in L.A tomorrow for a wedding," Phil said.

"You stole a police car-"

"We didn't steal anything. Um... we found it," Stu said.

"If anything we deserve an award or something. Like a trophy," Alan said.

"Will you two shut the hell up. You two are not helping the situation," I said snapping at Alan and my brother.

"She's got a point. You better listen to the young lady. I see assholes like you in here every fuckin' day," Franklin said.

"Every fuckin' day!" Officer Garden said

"Yeah let's all go to Vegas and get all drunk and fucked up!"

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Gardner mocked.

"Let's go steal a cop car because it'd be real fuckin' funny!"

"Yeah! Think you gon' get away with it? Not up in here!"

"Not up in here!" Franklin yelled lividly.

"Uh...Sir, if I may. Um, I'm assuming that squad car belongs to one of you," Phil said looking to Franklin then to Gardner.

_Here comes the manipulative Phil. I swear he has a split personality disorder._

"Yeah."

"Look, I'm not a cop. I'm not a hero, I'm a school teacher. But if one of my kids went missing on a field trip...that would look really bad on me."

_What is he thinking?_

"What are you getting at?" Franklin asked curiously, like he read my mind.

"Yeah Phil, what are you getting at?" Stu asked quietly.

"No one wants to look bad. We got to get to a wedding and you guys don't need people talking about how some obnoxious tourists borrowed your squad car last night. But look, the point is I think we could work out a deal, discretely of course ma'am. What do ya say?"

Franklin and Gardner looked at each other then she tapped on the clipboard, Franklin laughed.

_This can't be good._

"Let me ask you a question. Do any of you have a heart condition? Pregnant? Or anything like that?" He asked looking at all of us one by one.

The guys said no and I nodded my head.

"I've just had surgery on my heart and I've found out that I'm pregnant," I said, lying of course.

The boys looked at me weird and I glared at them.

"Ok. And by the way Mrs..." Officer Gardner started then looked down at the file, "Wenneck. Where did you get the police issued mace? Even though it's expired by three years."

"My ex boyfriend back in L.A gave it to me for protection, he's a cop."

She nodded and motioned us to follow them. Pretty soon we were in a rom that looked like a classroom.

"Ok, kids, you're in for a real treat today. These gentlemen have kindly volunteered to demonstrate how a stun gun is used to subdue a suspect. And this young lady has volunteered on how mace or pepper spray can take down a suspect. Now, there's two ways to use a stun gun: up close and personal."

_I knew that I wasn't going to get off that easily._

Franklin shocked my brother in the neck. I felt bad for my brother but I couldn't help but laugh. It's funnier seeing it in person than on T.V.

"Or you can shoot it from a distance. Now, do I have any volunteers? You want to come up here and do some shooting, huh? Alright. How about you, young lady? Come on up here." Franklin said motioning for the girl in a long sleeved maroon colored shirt with dark pigtails.

"Alright. Let's go, handsome. Come on."

Alan stepped forward.

_Alan you are not handsome._

"Not you, fat Jesus. Slide it on back."

Phil stepped forward but not before he grabbed my face and gave me a kiss.

"You, pretty boy. C'mon let's go."

Phil let go of me and stood a few feet away from the girl while Franklin gave the girl the shoot out stun gun.

"Alright. Now, it's real simple. All you got to do is point, aim and shoot. Alright?"

"You don't really want to do this," Phil said nicely.

"You can do this. Just focus."

"Don't listen to this maniac. Let's think this thing through," Phil persuaded.

"Finish him!"

The electric filled prongs came flying out and sent a jolt of electricity to Phil's most prized possession. Phil fell to the ground in pain.

"Right in the nuts! That was beautiful! Well done! Giver her a hand, everybody. Good job! Well done! Good job! That was great!"

The kids laughed and applauded. Alan started clapping and I back handed him in the stomach.

"Look, hey, we got one more charge left. Anybody want to do some shooting up here? How about you, big man? Come on up here."

It was the chubby blond boy before that took a picture of Alan.

"Okay, same instructions: just point, aim and shoot. There y'go. That's the stuff. I like the intensity, eye of the tiger. You're holding 50,000 volts, little man. Don't be afraid to ride the lightning."

They had a staring contest for a minute then pulled the trigger when he got the red dot to it's prongs went into Alan's head but he didn't go down. It started freaking me and the kids out. Usually if you get zapped with that voltage, you go down.

"In the face! In the face!" Franklin said while laughing.

Alan slowly walked to the blond boy, which scared the kid. Alan kind of put me in the mind of how Frankenstein walks.

"He's still up. He's still up. Alright, everybody relax. Take it easy. We've seen it before, he just needs a little extra."

Alan got shocked in the neck, just like my brother then fell on an unoccupied table.

"Ok. Come on up little lady," Franklin said to me.

I stood in front of the group of kids while he picked one more kid to torture us. And of course, it had to be the boy that blew me a kiss from earlier. When he got a few feet from me he glared at Phil then looked at me and shook his head in disappointment. It was like he was silently saying I could pick a better guy. Gardner handed Franklin the mace and he handed it to the boy. I could tell right away it was mine because I put pink and green coloring on the nozzel.

"This stuff is a few years expired, so the smell won't be that potent. It can spray up to ten feet. Now all you have to do is press down on the handle and it'll spray."

The boy didn't hesitate to spray me with it. When it hit my face I fell to my knees with my eyes watering and burning and I started coughing. I've never been pepper sprayed before and let me tell you, it freaking sucks!

"Alright!"

I heard a smacking sound which only meant that the boy and the officer high-fived.

"Who wants to get their fingerprints done?"

I could hear the chairs moving across the floor and them walking out of the room.

"Let's get that off you," Gardner said helping me stand up.

Once I was cleared from the mace we were free to go.


	6. Chapter 6

"Fuck those guys! You hear me? That was bullshit! I'm tellin' everybody we stole a cop car!"

"They let us go. Who cares?"

"I care. You can't just do that! You can't just tease people because you think it's funny! That's police brutality!" Stu ranted, "I'm getting a soda. You guys want anything?"

"No."

"I'm good," I sighed putting my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands.

Stu took off towards the vending machines. The officers weren't nice enough to give us a ride so we walked for an hour to this place. We've been here at the impound center for 35 minutes and everyone starting to get highly annoyed.

"You ok Harp?"

"I should be asking you that. You're the one that got pronged and zapped in the balls."

"That shit hurt."

"Consider it payback for marrying me without me remembering. Hopefully that voltage permanently neutered you," I said smirking, which in return I got a glare from Phil then he looked at Alan.

"Alan? Are you ok?"

"I'm just worried."

_We're all worried._

"What if something happened to Doug? Like something bad."

"Come on, you can't think like that," Phil said.

"What if Doug's dead? I can't afford to lose somebody close to me again, it hurts too much. I was so upset when my grandpa died."

"How'd he die?" I asked.

"World War II."

I felt really bad for him now, I couldn't imagine one of my loved ones dying in battle.

"Died in battle?" Phil asked.

"No, he was skiing in Vermont, it was just during World War II."

_Really?_ I thought as I lost most of my sympathy for Alan.

"Alan. Doug is fine."

"Well why hasn't he called?"

"I don't know. But we're going to figure it out."

"I'll tell you another thing," Stu said coming around the corner back to us. "6 to 1 odds our car is beat to shit," He finished while opening up his Coke.

"Come on Stu, can you be positive for once," I said.

"No seriously how much you want to bet it's fucked up beyond all recognition?"

"Seriously that's enough," Phil said getting up and going to Stu, "Alan here is seriously worried. Can we not freak him out anymore?" He asked quietly to Stu.

Stu looked a little guilty and went to Alan.

"I'm sorry Alan. You know what? We'll search the car for clues and everything's going to be ok."

We heard squealing of tires and we didn't want to see the condition of the car. The guy pulled up in front of us and the car was in perfect condition.

_There are miracles after all._

"You see? Everything'll be alright," Phil said as we made our way to the car, "Stu in back with Alan," Phil ordered.

While we were making our way back to the hotel all of us started searching for clues. Phil checked the car visors and found nothing.

"Anything?" Phil asked.

"I found a pair of men's boots. I know none of you were wearing boots last night," I said.

"I found a cigar," Stu said from the back left side.

"What's this? Is this snake skin?" Alan asked holding up something white.

"Alan put that down," I said.

"Why?"

"It's a used condom Alan!" Phil said.

Alan threw it on Stu and in return Stu threw it on Phil. Phil flipped out and swerved while throwing the condom out the window. He pulled over and said,

"Alright! What the fuck man?! We got to get this shit together guys!"

"You know there's another one back-" Alan got cut off by a banging in the trunk.

"Do you guys hear that?" I asked.

"It's in the trunk," Stu said.

"Doug!" I said frantically and jumped out of the car with the others right on my tail.

"Hurry up Phil!" I said panicked, who knows how long he's been in there.

When he got the trunk unlocked a naked Asian guy jumped out onto Phil and started beating him with a crowbar. Phil threw him off and the guy started hitting my brother. I went towards Stu and the guy turned to me and hit me in the back of the head. I fell to the ground in pain and watched him hit Phil in the face. Once Phil was on the ground he went after Alan.

"You gonna fuck on me?" The chinese guy asked.

"Nobody's gonna fuck on you! I'm on your side! I hate Godzilla! I hate him too! I hate him! He destroys cities! **Please! **This isn't your fault. I'll get you some pants" Alan pleaded.

And with that the guy hit Alan and ran off. Phil crawled his way to me while the others moaned and groaned in pain.

"Harper. Honey, are you ok?"

"I'll be fine," I groaned while touching the back of my head.

Phil removed my hand and kissed the back of my head tenderly. We made our way back to the car and leaned against it.

"That was some fucked up shit," Phil said, "Who was that guy? He was so mean."

"Guys. There's something I need to tell you. Last night on the roof, before we went out I slipped something in our Jagermeister."

"You did what?" I asked.

"I'm sorry, I fudged up guys."

"You drugged us," Stu asked.

"No. I didn't drug you. I was told it was extacy."

"Who told you it was extacy?" Phil asked.

"The guy I bought it from, from the liquor store.

"Why would you give us extacy?" Stu asked.

"Because I wanted everybody to have a good time and I knew you guys wouldn't take it. It was just one hit each. I used to do three hits a night.

"But it wasn't extacy Alan! It was Ruffies!"

"You think I knew that Stu? The guy that I bought it from seemed like a straight shooter."

"This is all you're fault!" I said and jumped Alan.

"Because of _**you**_ we can't find Doug! I yelled as I pulled his hair and hit the back of his head on the ground.

Phil finally got me off of Alan and I groaned in pain. Jumping someone minutes after you got a blow to the head isn't a real good idea.

"That wasn't a good idea Harper," Phil said to me then looked at Stu, "Let's just calm down."

"You fucking calm down. He fucking drugged us. I lost a tooth! I married a whore!" Stu said standing up.

"How dare you? She's a nice lady," Alan defended.

"You are a fucking moron!"

"Your language is offensive."

"Fuck you!"

"Before you say another word Alan, do us a favor and shut the fuck up," I said angrily.

Phil grabbed my arm lightly and pulled me up to stand by him.

"Alright. Let's just take a deep breath, ok?" Phil said breaking up the bickering, "Seriously, this is good thing guys."

"What do you mean it's a good thing?" I yelled then winced.

"It's a good thing because it's not some stranger drugging us for God knows what reason."

"Yeah."

"Yeah. You're right Phil, it's totally a good thing. We're so much better off now," Stu said sarcastically.

"Here's something I would like to remind you two of, Harper and I both know our best friend Doug is probably face down in a ditch right now with a meth head butt-fucking his corpse!"

"That's highly unlikely," Alan stated.

I growled at Alan and Phil tightened his grip on my wrist slightly.

"It's true," Stu said.

"Does not help," Phil said, "Let's get our shit together guys. Lets go back to the hotel, I'll make a couple of calls. Maybe Doug's back there, maybe he's asleep. C'mon! Let's go!" he finished then getting into the drivers seat.

"Move!" I growled out while glaring daggers into Alan.

"Stu..." Alan said snapping his fingers, " A little help."

_You are more of a dick than Phil is!_

Stu slapped Alans hand away and said, "Shut up!"

I swung the door open and it came into contact with Alan's head.

"Oh God. Harper you just hit him."

"I don't give a fuck. He deserves it at this point. Maybe a few more hits will make him have a brain cell."

"Harper!" Phil barked.

I got in without another word while Stu said that I was sorry and that I didn't mean it. Then they finally got in and we headed to the hotel.

We finally made it back to our room and Alan said,

"Wait. Guys. about the tiger? What if he got out?"

After all that's happened we forgot about the tiger.

"Oh, fuck! I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger! How the fuck did he get in there?"

"I don't know, because I don't remember!"

"Shh! Stu. Stu, keep it down."

"One of the side effects of roofies is memory loss."

"You are literally too stupid to insult."

_Couldn't have said it any better._

I blinked a few times then said in confusion,

"Did we leave some kind of music on before we left?"

"No. Why?" Phil asked curiously.

"Listen."

They got quiet and they heard the music too. Phil slipped the key card in and opened the door.

"Be quiet and don't make any sudden movements," he said quietly.

Alan was the last person in and he slammed the door. We turned around and glared at him then went further into the suite. Phil accidentally bumped into someone tall and Stu screamed like a girl.

"Who the hell are you?" Phil asked.

"Who the hell are you?" The guy countered.

"Quiet. Quiet."

We turned to the voice and the guy turned around.

"Is that..." I started but couldn't believe who I was seeing.

_I must've got hit on the head harder than I thought._

"Mike Tyson?" Phil asked in confusion.

_So I'm not imagining things._

"Shh. This is my favorite part coming up right now."

We slowly and carefully walked towards him. He started playing the air drums then started singing along to the song.

"Chorus line guys."

We started singing the chorus because nobody refuses _**the**_ Mike Tyson. He could kill you with one hit.

"One more time guys."

We started again then he decked Alan right in the jaw. Alan fell to the ground unconscious.

"Oh shit," Phil panicked.

"Alan!" I said kneeling next to him to see if he was still breathing.

"Why'd you do that?" Phil asked Tyson while checking Alan over with me.

"Mr. Tyson would like to know why his tiger's in your bathroom?" the tall guy asked.

Phil and Stu stood up while I was still checking Alan over.

"Hold on. That was completely unnecessary. I'm a huge fan When you knocked out Holmes that was-"

"Explain," The tall guy said impatiently.

"Phil. Now's not the time to be kissing ass right now," I said, then looked at Tyson, "We were drugged last night. We have no idea what happened."

Tyson and what I'm guessing is his body guard looked at each other with the 'Yeah right' look.

"It's true," Stu said backing me up. "We got into all kinds of trouble last night and now we can't find our friend. And if you wanna kill us just go ahead because I don't even care anymore."

"Stu," Me and Phil said at the same time.

"Why the fuck would you want to steal his tiger?"

"We tend to do dumb shit when we're fucked up," Phil said.

"I don't believe these guys man," Tyson muttered.

"Wait. Wait. Wait. How did you guys find us?"

Phil had a great point.

"One of you dropped your jacket," the bodyguard said while holding it up. "Found it in the tiger's cage this morning."

"That's Doug's jacket," Stu and me said in unison.

"Yeah. Uh, Doug," He said tossing it to Stu. "His room key was in there."

"Well that's our missing friend."

"I don't give a fuck."

"Did you guys see him?" I asked.

"I was fast asleep," Tyson said.

"Yeah 'cause if he was up, this shit wouldn't have gone down smoothly."

I groaned in pain while they kept talking, my head was getting worse.

"And while you guys are trying to find a way to get the tiger back, we're taking her," the bodyguard said pointing to me.

"The fuck you are," Phil said angrily.

"Phil. Please not right now," I said.

"See, she knows she's the insurance that you guys get the tiger back to Tyson here."

Phil sighed irritatedly then turned towards me. He gently took hold of my face and kissed me passionately, like I wasn't going to be coming back. I heard my brother groan disgustedly and I smiled a little then wrapped my arms around Phil's neck. Phil grabbed my waist and pulled me against him hard.

"It's bad enough that you married my sister!"

We broke apart and I followed Tyson and his bodyguard out the door.


	7. Chapter 7

I was lightly rubbing the back of my head while I was sitting on Tyson's couch.

You ok Harper?" Tyson asked curiously.

The only reason he knows my name is because I told him on the way here to his house.

"I don't really know anymore. This trip was supposed to be fun but look how it turned out. We get ruffied by our friend, then another friend goes missing and his wedding is tomorrow. I get married to my brother's friend, we get in trouble with the law, we steal your tiger and on top of that my head is killing me because we had someone in the trunk of the car and he beat us with a crowbar."

"Have you taken anything for your head?"

"I haven't had time."

I had my eyes closed and I could feel Tyson moving around on the couch.

"Here."

I opened my eyes to see him holding an Advil pill bottle and his body guard came back with a glass of water.

"Don't take this the wrong way or anything but...How do I know if there's actually Advil in there?"

"The bottle hasn't been opened yet."

I took the bottle and shook out a few pills then took the glass of water to wash the pills down.

"Thanks."

"No problem. By the way if you would like to lay down, he can show you where the spare room is."

"I can stay right here."

"C'mon," The bodyguard said.

I hesitated but got up and followed with my glass. When I got into the spare room, it was beautiful. The walls were a maroon color, there was a crystal chandelier in the middle, double french doors to the balcony, maroon bed sheets, a TV, a couple of black leather recliners, and a bathroom.

"Wow."

"Glad you're comfortable in here. Since we don't know you that well Tyson wants me to lock you in here until your guys show up."

"That's understandable. I'll be perfectly fine."'

He gave a nod then left, but not before locking the door. I took a few more minutes of looking around the room before I settled on the bed and passed out.

Room service showed up 45 minutes later after Harper left with Tyson. As soon as the door shut they started thinking of a plan on how to get the tiger back to Tyson. Phil suggested to get some raw steak and put the ruffies in it. Phil and Stu played rock-paper-scissors to see which one got to deliver the raw meat, of course Stu lost. After they stuck the ruffies in the steak Alan started puting pepper on it.

"Why are you peppering the steak? You don't know if tigers like pepper ," Stu said.

"Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon," Alan stated.

"Phil just do it. You should do it."

"I would but you lost. Wouldn't be right."

"Ok. I jammed five ruffies in there. Just go in there and throw it to him."

"Fine."

Stu got up and went to the bathroom. He opened the door carefully poking his head through the crack, then his whole body.

"Fuck," he muttered.

Stu slowly came around the corner saying softly,

"Hi kitty. Hey sweetie, it's ok. I got a little snack for you. Real important that you eat this, ok? Just have a little- Ahh!"

He ran out the bathroom door when the tiger took a swing at him.

"What do we do now?"

"We wait," Alan said simply.

Alan sat in a chair, Phil started reading through a magazine, and Stu started playing the piano.

"What do tigers dream of when they take their little tiger snooze? Do they dream of mauling zebras, or Halle Berry in her Catwoman suit? Don't you worry your pretty striped head, we're gonna get you back to Tyson and your cozy tiger bed. And then we're gonna find our best friend Doug, and then we're gonna give him a best friend hug. Doug, Doug, oh! Doug, Dougie, Dougie, Doug, Doug! But if he's been murdered by crystal meth tweakers,

Stu paused when he heard groan and a loud thump coming from the bathroom.

"Well then we're shit out of luck," he finished.

Stu quickly left the room to get a luggage cart then came back in time for Phil and Alan to put the tiger on it. They wrapped it up and started out of the hotel room. They finally got it into the car after running it's nose into walls and doors.

"Hey guys, when's the next Haley's comet?" Alan asked.

"Who cares, man."

"Do you know Stu?"

"I don't think it's for like another sixty years or something."

"But it's not tonight right?"

"No I don't think so."

"But you don't know for sure? I have this cousin Marcus who saw one he said it blew his mind I want to make sure I never ever miss out on a Haley's comet. So if you guys know if there's ever going to be one-" Alan was interrupted by a roar.

All three of them started freaking out. The tiger scratched Phil on the shoulder and he came to a stop and they all got out. The tiger kicked out the little back window and started demolishing the interior of the car.

"Stu! Stu! It got me!" Phil said freaking out.

"Oh my God! You're bleeding!" Stu said freaked out too.

"How are we going to get it to his house now?" Stu asked after he calmed down a bit.

"We have to push it," Phil said simply.

"No! No way!"

"C'mon Stu. Mike might have clues to where Doug went and don't forget he has your sister which happens to be my wife!"

Stu groaned and they started pushing the car the rest of the way.

I woke up to a light knock on the door.

"Come in," I said sleepily.

The door opened and revealed Tyson.

"They're coming up the drive right now. Does your head feel any better?"

"Yeah. A lot better. Thank you for letting me take something and sleep."

He smiled and I got up and followed him back to the living room. I sat down on the couch that I was sitting on earlier when the three of them came in. Phil rushed to me and kissed me.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," I said. "Phil what happened to your shoulder?" I asked panicked.

"Don't worry about it. Your head any better?"

I nodded still looking at his shoulder. After a few minutes everybody was sitting down.

"After we got back Harper took something for her headache and layed down while we went through security cameras."

"Great," Phil said.

The bodyguard pushed play on the remote and the video started. All of us were stumbling along in Tyson's yard. When we saw Doug we let out our own reliefs. Alan and Stu were rambling on about Doug and Tyson told them to watched the tape and they did without another word. Alan showed up on the TV and se said,

"That's me. I'm on TV. I've never been on TV before."

_Oh brother. Alan!_

Alan was walking on rocks and finally came to a stop to urinate in the water. We all looked at him in disgust.

"Really? Really Alan?" Phil asked.

"Should I wait outside?"

"I think that's a good idea Alan," Tyson said as nicely as he could.

"Don't touch anything out there either," The bodyguard said.

Alan went outside and Stu said,

"You know what? He's...He's not our good fr- We don't know him that well," Stu stuttered then looked back to the screen.

There we were waking the tiger, which was willingly coming to the police car.

"By the way man, where you get that cop car from?" Tyson asked curiously.

"We uh, stole it from these dumbass cops," Stu said trying to sound cool.

"Nice!" Tyson said laughing, "Nice! High five there!" Tyson and Stu high fived, "That's nice!"

"You know I just have to say I've never seen a more beautiful, elegant, regal creature."

Then we heard Phil on the TV saying,

"Check it out. Stu! Stu, fuck this tiger!"

I looked over at Phil like he was crazy.

"Aw, man! Who does shit like that, man?"

"Someone who has a lotta issues, obviously. I'm a sick man."

The conversation was cut short when we heard a female sounding moan coming from the TV. We looked at it and I was on the hood of the car with me clung to Phil. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what we were doing on that car. It would've been an understatment when I say I was embarrassed and sick to my stomach to watch. I looked over at my brother, he looked livid and disgusted. Then I looked at Phil, he was watching intently.

"I think I'm going to go get some air," I said lowly.

I got up and Phil reached his hand out to me but I pulled my hand away and went outside. I took a deep breath to clear my head. A few minutes later they came out and we got in the car.

_Doug's going to kill us when he sees this car._

While we were driving Stu decided to break the awkward silence by saying,

"You know, everyone says Mike Tyson is such a badass, but I think he's kind of a sweetheart."

"I think he's mean."

I rolled my eyes at Alan.

_I can't believe I'm sitting by him right now._

"Alright. I think it's officially time to call Tracy," Phil said.

"Hallelujah! Phil finally says something that makes sense."

"I mean, we don't really have much of a choice. And who knows, maybe she's heard from Doug."

"That's what I've been saying this whole time."

"We just need to be completely honest and tell her everything."

"We don't have to tell her everything."

_What!? My brother doesn't want to be completely honest!?_

"I mean we can leave out the stuff me marrying a hooker and you marrying my sister. We just need to stay focused on Doug."

"What am I going to tell my dad about this car?"

"That it was your fault that this happened," I growled out.

"Alan relax, it's just the inside. C'mon I've got a guy that lays great interior."

"OH GOD! I screamed a second before a black SUV hit us on the passenger side.

The driver pushed our car until we hit an Adult XXX sign. Soon after part of the sign came swinging down and sliced through the roof of the car, almost hitting me. The people in the black SUV got out and came towards our car.

"Phil," I said panicked.

"Everything's going to be fine Harp," He said trying to calm me down.

"Is that the guy that beat us with a crowbar?" I asked.

"Yeah. That's the guy from the trunk," Alan said.

"Get out of the car. Please," He said eerily nice.

More guys came forward.

"Those are the guys that shot Eddie," Stu said.

The guy from the trunk clapped twice and here came his goons. They pulled us out and Phil took my wrist and put me behind him to protect me.

"I want my purse back, assholes."

"What, your purse?" Phil asked.

"That's not a purse. That's a satchel!" Alan corrected.

_Who cares Alan!_

"It's a purse! Okay? And you steal from wrong guy!"

"Wait a second. Wait a second. We stole from you?" Phil asked confused.

"You know what? We don't remember anything that happened last night. So help us out a little here."

"Well apparently you guys met at a craps table late last night. You were on a real heater when you played your hot streak," The guy said next to the asian guy while pointing at Alan, "You ended up winning just under eighty grand."

"Really? Eighty grand!" I asked shocked.

"That's nice," Phil said happily.

"That's good," Stu said happily too.

"You put the chips in his purse and took off with it."

"That doesn't sound like us," Stu said.

"Mine had eighty thousand dollar inside!" The Asian guy gritted his teeth while he talked, "This one," He threw the satchel on the ground, "Nothing!"

"Hey, there's skittles in there!" Alan said going to the guy.

"Who cares Alan! You can always get more!" I said from behind Phil.

Alan didn't get to far when the other guy punched him in the stomach. Asian guy started laughing.

"Don't let the beard fool you. He's a child!" Stu said standing up for Alan and insulting him at the same time.

"It's funny because he's fat."

"Now look. This was obviously a very simple misunderstanding. Alan picked up the wrong purse, no big deal."

"Ok? If it's no big deal. Why when I come after you guys, he starts screaming like crazy and throw me in trunk? Huh?" He asked motioning towards Phil.

"Wha?" Stu asked.

"I did that?"

"Yeah. You said he was your lucky charm. And you wanted to take him home with you," The guy next to Asian dude said.

Phil started laughing and I tapped the back of his shoulder to get his attention.

"Phil. Now's not a time to be laughing," I warned.

The guy started laughing then stopped abruptly and said,

"Fuck you. If you want to see your friend again, you get me my eighty grand."

"Wait you have Doug?" I asked.

"You have our friend?" Phil asked.

The guy next to the Asian guy hit the SUV twice and we saw someone in there with a bag over their head. I put my hands over my mouth as the guys started towards the SUV.

"Chill out goatee!" Stu threatened.

"Ok. Ok. Alright. Fine."

"What do you want?" I asked.

"Not so good now. Quid pro quo, douchebag."

I raised my left eyebrow and cocked my head to the side in confusion.

_What does that mean?_

"Look we're very sorry. But this is an easy fix. Alan? Where's his purse?" Phil asked.

"I don't know," He whined.

"What- You- Could it be in the hotel room right?" Stu asked.

"Yeah," Phil jumped in.

"We can write you a check right now?" Stu said.

"Not a chance. Cash only."

There's a person in there?" Stu exploded.

"Boring," the Asian guy yawned while heading back to the SUV.

"Wait! Please!" I pleaded.

Phil and Stu went after him and yelled in unison. The SUV started backing up and Phil and Stu tried to stop it.

"Stop!" Stu commanded.

"That's not going to work Stu!" I yelled.

"Run me over."

"Don't tell them that! They won't hesitate dumbass!"

"Don't call your big brother a dumbass!"

"Then quit being one! I yelled back.

The SUV stopped and the Asian guy rolled down his window.

"Bring money to Big Rock in Mojave Desert at dawn."

"What?" Phil barked.

"Toodle-oo, motherfuckers," He said rolling up his window then flooring it out of there.

"Where's that place at?" Stu asked.

"We'll find that out once we get to the hotel. Let's go," I said.

We all got in the car and headed to the hotel as fast as we could.


	8. Chapter 8

When we got back to our room at Caesars Palace we started tearing the room right-side up, since it was already torn upside down. Stu started checking closets, I checked in drawers with Alan, and Phil was checking the mini bar slash kitchen area. We didn't find anything so we made our way to the living room area.

"Stu? Have much you got in the bank?" Phil asked.

_Uh Oh! Don't tell him Stu!_

"Uh... ten grand maybe more. I was going to use it for the wedding."

"Well you're already married, so we're good there. Besides, enough of Melissa she's the worst."

"Yeah. Doug told me she had sex with a pilot or something like that," Alan said.

"It was a bartender on a cruise. What is wrong with you people?"

"Who cares who it was, she still had sex with somebody that wasn't her boyfriend," I stated.

Stu rolled his eyes then looked at Alan.

"Ew! Alan, did you just eat sofa pizza?" Stu asked.

I scrunched up my nose in disgust.

"Yes."

"What are we going to do? We are so fucked," Phil stated.

"Hey guys?"

"Did you find it?" Stu asked excitedly.

"Nope. But check this out," Alan said holding up 'The World's Greatest Blackjack Book'.

I looked at Alan, to Stu, then Phil and I saw a light bulb go off in Phil's head.

"No," Stu said.

"It's the only way to get the money back Stu," Phil said.

"I'll call Jade, she can go with you Stu while I clean this up."

"Why aren't you going?" Phil asked.

"Number one I have no clue about casino blackjack and number two you're going to be Alan's spotter and Jade is Stu's. So hurry up and get ready."

The guys started getting their suits on while I called Jade. When I was done talking to her I started cleaning up the living room area quickly because I was also going to be babysitting Tyler. Thirty minutes later there was a knock on the door and I answered it.

"Harper!" Jade said happily and bubbly with Tyler in a stroller.

"Hey Jade. Come on in," I said smiling and letting her in, "The guys are almost ready."

A couple of minutes later the guys came out of their rooms. Jade went up to Stu and kissed him while Phil came to me and put his arms around my waist bringing me closer to him. Phil then brought me into a passionate kiss. I opened my right eye a little and saw my brother physically cringing and trying to keep the contents that's in his stomach from coming up. I smiled into the kiss, torturing my brother is absolutely fun. Phil broke the kiss and whispered with a smile,

"What are you smiling about?"

I nudged my head over to my brother and Phil looked at Stu's disgusted face.

"Get used to it Stu. You're going to be seeing this on a daily basis," Phil said with a smirk.

Stu just glared daggers into Phil.

"You guys better hurry up. We don't have much time," I said while picking Tyler up from the stroller.

"Alright. Let's go," Stu said while walking to the door with Jade by his side and Alan behind him.

I felt Phil's eyes on me and I looked at him, for once in my life I couldn't read the expression on his face.

"What?" I asked curiously.

He smiled while shaking his head.

"We'll be back soon," He said kissing the top of my head then leaving.

_What's going on? Phil never has a sincere smile._

"Do you know what's going on?" I asked sweetly to Tyler and he just gooed.

I put him down on the floor with some of his toys so he could play with them while I cleaned the rest of the suite. Twenty minutes later Tyler started to get fussy so I fed him a bottle Jade had pre-made, when he was done I burped him and he fell asleep to me rocking him back and forth slowly. I went to Stu's room and put Tyler in the middle of the king size bed with pillows on each side then left the room to start cleaning again.

I was finally done with the suite, I sat down on the couch and leaned my head back with my eyes closed. I groaned when I heard the door open, I lifted my head up and saw the guys plus Jade with huge smiles on their faces.

"You better can it," I snapped at the guys, "The baby is asleep."

Jade came over and sat down next to me.

"Thank you Harper. Was he any trouble?"

"He wasn't any trouble at all. And you're welcome. I'm guessing you got the money?" I asked the guys.

"Yep, all thanks to Alan," Phil said sitting on my other side.

I stretched and yawned, "That's great guys. I think we should head to bed so we can be ready for anything in the morning," I suggested.

"I think you're right Harper," Stu said going to his room.

"Oh! The baby is asleep in there."

Stu groaned, "Where am I supposed to sleep?"

"Don't know, but we're going to bed," Phil said dragging me to his room.

Once he closed and locked the door he kissed me passionately. He was backing me up slowly to the bed and once the back of my knees touched the bed Phil broke the kiss to ease me down on the bed while kissing my neck. He put his hands on my waist trailing his hands slowly up my sides making my shirt rise while he nipped at my neck, which made me gasp. Phil leaned into me more so I could feel how turned on he was.

"Phil," I tried saying without moaned, it failed.

He groaned in acknowledgement grinding against me more. I put my hands on his hard chest and pushed him lightly. Phil stopped and looked at me, "What?"

"We can't do this right now. Our main objective is getting Doug back."

He groaned with disappointment and rolled to the left side and I rolled to look at his face.

"But... After Doug's wedding, I'm all yours," I said.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"You better," he said then attacked my neck.

_That one's going to be a hickey._

He pulled me close and we fell asleep.

We woke up a few hours later to get ready for the 'showdown'. Once we were done we headed to the desert. Stu was counting the money out loud,

"And one hundred. Two hundred. Three hundred. Four hundred. Oh! With all of this that's eighty-two thousand and four hundred dollars."

We cheered.

"Alan! You are the man."

"Thanks Phil. You are too."

"We should come back next week to take the whole city down."

"The hell we are Phil," I said from behind him, "We're staying home next week and the week after that and the week after that. We're not coming back to Vegas. Ever."

"I'm free next week," Alan said.

"C'mon Harper."

"No. And that's final."

Phil grumbled to where I couldn't here.

"We can focus on getting Doug back. Right now."

"Thank you Stu," I said.

"You know what? I'm not free next week. The Jonas Brothers are in town. But an other week after that is totally fine."

I looked over at Alan with the look that said 'How old are you?'

"Are luck has officially turned around. We are back baby. We are fucking back."

Stu started saying the same thing Phil was, I laughed at them then Alan ruined it by singing the same thing over and over again.

"And we're the three best friends that anyone could have!"

I started banging my head up against the window lightly.

_Somebody kill me already. Scratch that, someone kill Alan. None of this would've happened if he didn't tag along._

We saw the black SUV that rammed into us last night parked on the far end. Phil stopped the beat up Mercedes a few feet away then shut the vehicle off.

"Now what? Phil asked.

"I don't know. Probably get out and go to 'em," I said.

"Give them the signal."

We all looked at Alan and Phil said,

"What signal?"

"Exactly. The guy never said anything about a signal," I said annoyed.

"Flash your lights. Let them know it's on."

"What's on?"

"The deal."

"Of course it's on. We just drove thirty miles into the desert. He knows it's on," Phil explained.

"Phil. Just do something!" Stu exclaimed.

"Calm down Stu," I said.

"Fine."

Phil clicked the headlights on and the doors to the black SUV opened.

"See."

We got out of the car too.

"Harper. Stay by the car. I mean it," Phil said pointing at me.

I sighed and leaned up against the hood of the car while Phil and Stu went to the Asian guy. Alan fell out of the passenger window flat on his face and I smirked while I heard the Asian guy laugh.

"Alright. We've got the money, eighty grand cash," Phil said.

"Throw it over. Then I give you Doug."

"Um... First of all good morning..."

_Stu._ I groaned and hit my head with the palm of my hand.

"We didn't catch your name last night."

"Mr. Chow. Leslie Chow."

"Mr. Chow, it is a pleasure. My name is Stu-"

"Will you quit kissing ass and just get on with it!" I yelled.

"Shut up Harper! I know what I'm doing," Stu yelled at me then turn back to Mr. Chow, "Sorry about her. But would appreciate an oppuritunity to verify that Doug's ok before we hand over the money. If that's cool?"

"Of course Stu. That is cool," Chow said then clapped his hands.

One of his henchmen went to the SUV and pulled Doug out.

"Thank God," I sighed.

"See he fine. Now give me money. Or I shoot him and I shoot all you motherfuckers. Then we take it. Your choice bitches."

"Give 'em the money Stu," Phil said.

Stu threw the bag over to Chow and his other henchman started counting the money.

"It's all there."

"Let him go."

The first henchman went to Phil and Stu to set Doug free.

"Alright take it easy."

The bag was lifted and it revealed someone else.

"Who the hell is this?" I asked coming up to Phil.

"Is this some kind of joke?"

"That is not Doug."

"What are you talking about, Willis? That him!"

"No, I'm sorry, Mr. Chow, that's not our friend, he... it's..."

"The Doug we're looking for is a white."

_Really Alan?_

The tape got ripped off the guy and the guy said,

"I told you, you had the wrong guy little boy. Damn Alan. What the fuck did you get me into?"

"You know him?" Phil asked.

"Yeah. This is the guy that sold me the bad drugs. How'a doing?"

"I didn't sell you no fucking bad drugs."

"Wait. He sold you the rohipnol?" Stu asked.

The guy started rambling and Phil cut in.

"Who gives a shit!? Where is Doug?"

"I am Doug."

"You've got to be kidding me," I mumbled.

They started talking about how his name was Doug and I noticed something.

"Where are you going Chow!?"

Phil turned his attention back to Chow.

"Chow! You gave us the wrong Doug!"

"Not my problem."

"Fuck that shit! You give us our eighty grand back and take him with you!"

"C'mon, man. I'll be your Doug," Doug said coming to me and Phil.

"If you know what's best for you, you better back off," I growled.

"Yeah, ok. I take him back right after you suck on these little Chinese nuts," Chow said grabbing his crotch, "Mmm how that sound?" He asked faking a hand job then spewed like he ejaculated.

_Disgusting!_

"So long guy boys. And lesbian girl."

"Wait a second."

"Forget it Phil," I sighed.

They took off and Phil exploded.

"GOD DAMN IT!"

"Gosh darn it!" Alan mocked.

"SHIT!"

"Shoot!" Alan mocked again.

"Phil."

"What Harper?" He asked annoyed.

"I know you're going to hate me saying this but...You need to call Tracy and tell her the truth," I said softly while putting my left hand on his right shoulder.


	9. Chapter 9

I was sitting Indian style on the trunk of the car messing with my nails while Phil called Tracey to tell her the truth. I could just see her now, angry, distraught, sad, and other emotions all in one.

_Tracey will NEVER forgive us even if we find him._

"Thanks for the lift back to town," Doug said.

"Not a problem," I said puting on a small smile.

"I've got a question for you. How'd you end up in Chow's car?"

"What kind of question is that Stu?" I asked looking at him like he was stupid, "How do you think he got in Chow's car?"

"That's why I'm asking Harper."

"It's obvious Chow and his henchmen kidnapped him."

"That's exactly what that kid did."

"Ok. But why? I mean why you?"

"Because he thought I was with you guys. Because I was hanging out with y'all at the Bellagio."

"What?" Stu asked not getting it.

"We were at the Bellagio?" Alan asked.

"Oh my God Alan! Did you forget that Stu had a receipt from there?"

"We were shooting craps you don't remember?"

"No we don't remember because some dick drug dealer sold him rohipnol and told him ecstasy."

"Rohipnol. There you with that word again. Rohipnol...rohipnol. What the hell is a rohipnol?"

"Wow! You are the world's shittiest drug dealer."

"Roofies. Commonly known as the date rape drug," I said.

"Ah shit. I must've mixed up the bags. My fault Alan. Damn, Marshall gonna be pissed off on that one."

"It's funny, 'cause just the other day, me and my boy, we was wonderin' why they even call 'em roofies. Y'know what I'm talkin' 'bout?"

"No. Don't know what you're talkin' 'bout."

"Why not floories, right? 'Cause when you take 'em, you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof. What about groundies? That's a good new name fo' 'em."

"Or how 'bout rapies?"

I sighed with annoyance.

"What did you just say?" Stu asked.

"Rapies."

"Not you. Doug, what did you say before?"

I looked over at Stu and I could see the wheels in his head turning so I slid off the trunk and stood next to him.

"I said groundies."

"Before that you said you're more likely to end up on the floor than..."

Me and Stu looked at each other as it clicked.

"Phil!" I yelled to get his attention.

I gasped when I saw my brother tackle Phil to the ground. Nobody tackled Phil down without him beating the shit out of you afterwards, I was waiting for Phil's fists to start flying. Stu grabbed the phone, talked to Tracey really quick, then hung up.

"What the fuck man!? Phil asked once he got air back into his lungs.

"Me and Harper know where Doug is!"

Phil got up quickly and we piled into the car and took off back to the hotel.

"It just hit me. You remember when we saw Doug's mattress impaled on that statue?"

"Yeah."

"How do you expect to get a mattress through a hotel window when they don't open much?" I asked Phil while sitting on his lap.

"You can't. You would have to throw it from the...roof. Holy shit! How'd you two figure that out?" Phil asked while sliding his hand up the inside of my thigh.

"Doug made me realize it."

"Doug?"

"That-"

"Not our Doug, black Doug."

"Stu," I hissed.

"Hey, hey, easy with that shit. C'mon."

"Sorry."

"Can someone tell me where white Doug is?"

"He's on the roof Alan," Phil stated.

"Yes. He's on the roof, we must've taken him up there on his mattress for a prank so he could wake up on the roof."

"It's like that time in summer camp remember? We left his ass in the lake."

"Which was hilarious but it's not so funny now because we couldn't remember where we put him."

"You guys are fuckin' retarded, you know that?"

"Holy shit. Do you think he's still up there?"

"There's only one way to find out."

* * *

"Doug!" Phil yelled as he went through the roof door.

"Doug! Where are you!?" I yelled while we searched frantically for him.

"Are you up here buddy!?"

"Hey guys!"

We all stopped and looked over at Stu. I could tell by the look that he found Doug. I had tears well up in my as I ran over to Stu with the others following.

"He's over here!"

"Are you ok Doug?" I asked as I reached him while Stu was checking him over.

"He's ok! You're ok!" Stu said sounding like a psychopath.

"We gotta go buddy."

Stu got him to stand up and he said,

"What the fuck is going on?"

"We can explain everything later," I said.

"Hey bud, you ok?" Phil asked.

"No not ok."

"You look good. You got some color. I'm jealous."

"He's burnt Phil," I said with a glare.

"I'm getting married today.

"Yes. That's why you need to focus and do everything we say because frankly you're wasting time," Phil said looking down at his watch.

"Quit being an asshole Phil," I snapped.

"You fuckin' asshole."

Before I could even react Doug had tackled Phil to the roof of the hotel.

_Phil gets tackled twice in less than forty-five minutes? This is pretty funny._

As soon as they made contact with the ground Doug rolled off of Phil crying about his skin, which I didn't blame him, sunburns are a bitch. Alan went to Doug to touch his cheek but Doug slapped Alan's hand away and said,

"Don't touch me. Shut up. All of you shut up. The only one that's allowed to talk to me is Harper because I know she didn't have anything to do with this. Now just get me home."

Doug got up and went to the door while we followed behind him a little ways.

"How come everyone thinks you're innocent?" Phil asked.

"Because I do nothing wrong."

"That's bullshit. If I remember correctly you were the one that beat the shit out of the head cheerleader because she was talking to me," Phil said with a smirk.

"That's where you're wrong. She was talking shit on my friend Bailey, that's why I beat the shit out of her. Trust me I would never get into a fight because of you. Even if we are married now."

"Bitch," he mumbled.

"Man whore."

He pushed me against the wall right by our suite door and kissed me fiercely.

"You're gonna regret calling me that when we get back home," he growled into my ear with a nip at my earlobe.

"I'd love to see you try."

"Challenge accepted."

He let go of me and smacked my ass as I walked into the suite to get my stuff so we all could leave.


	10. Chapter 10

The guys were on the side of the road putting their suits on after a delivery truck tossed them over into the car. Are you guys probably wondering why I'm not getting ready right? Well I brought my dress with me and got ready right before we left Vegas to go home. All I have to do now is apply my make-up and I'll be done. Once they were done they got back into the car and took off back to L.A again. All of us were still buzzing with happiness and excitement, not just because we found Doug and that he's getting married but...

_"At least our trip wasn't a total loss," Doug said while holding on to his hat._

_"Why do you say that?" Alan and I asked at the same time._

_"While I was stuck on the roof I found about 80,000 dollars worth of Bellagio chips in my pocket. Looks like we're heading home with some money, guys!"_

_"No way!" I exclaimed happily while looking at him._

_"Yes way!"_

The guys were doing some finishing touches to themselves when we entered the neighborhood. Phil parked the car and we all jumped out and rushed into the house. Everyone was looking at us with a mixture of disappointment and anger.

"Sorry, MapQuest took us on a really crazy route," Stu lied.

_Good lie Stu._

The bridemaids went into the back so did everyone else except for me and Tracey.

"Tracey, I'm really sorry. I'll explain everything later. I promise."

"You better. By the way where'd you get the ring?"

"Me and Phil kinda got married," I said rubbing my neck and letting out a nervous chuckle.

"Get out, did you really?" she asked hugging me then brushing my hair out quickly.

"Yeah, but like I said I'll explain everything to you later."

I kissed her cheek quickly then headed out to the back to sitting in the front row.

* * *

Doug and Tracey were officially husband and wife. I sat next to Phil at a reception table eating while they had someone singing an inappropriate song, something about candy shops and lollipops. I happened to look over to my right and I wish I hadn't.

"Uh oh," I muttered.

"What?" Phil asked.

I pointed and there we saw Melissa hounding Stu.

"Stu what the FUCK is going on?" was what we heard Melissa say then we saw Stu say something but couldn't make it out.

"Do you think he's lying to her?" Phil asked me.

"I don't think he is," I said smiling, "I predict a storm is coming really soon."

I just like clock work Melissa screamed again and everything was silent so everybody could hear them.

"That is not how this works!"

"Oh, good! Because whatever this is ain't workin' for me!"

"Oh, really? Since when?"

"Since you fucked that waiter on your cruise last June! BOOM!"

_Bartender Stu, bartender._

"You told me it was a bartender."

"Oh! You're right. I stand corrected. It was a bartender. You fucked a bartender."

"You're an idiot!"

"You're a - You..."

_Come on Stu tell her she's a __**fucking bitch**__._

"You're... such a bad person! Like, all the way through to your core!"

_Close enough._

"He's finally standing up for himself," Phil whispered.

"I know," I said smiling.

Stu walked away from Melissa saying,

"Let's do this!"

The party continued and he went to the dance floor. Phil and I got up from our seats when Alan walked away from Melissa.

"You coming?" Phil asked while holding my left hand.

"Not yet, I have to speak to someone first."

"Alright," he said kissing me then joining the guys.

I walked straight to Melissa and she glared daggers into me.

"What the fuck do you want?"

"Well let's see you fucking piece of shit of a girlfriend, I never liked you in the first place. Two you and my brother are over so get the fuck out of here," I growled dangerously.

"I was invited you whore."

I punched her square in her jaw and drug her through the house by her hair and out the front door. I let go of her hair and said,

"One I'm not a whore unlike you. Two if I **ever** catch you near my brother or even on his block where he lives I will knock your ass out, hog tie you and throw you into the ocean to drowned. Do you understand me?"

She didn't say anything.

"Good. Now goodbye," I said sweetly then pushed her and she stumbled down one of the stairs.

"Dougie, I gotta tell you this was a gorgeous wedding," Stu said with a little buzz.

"I give it six months," Phil stated.

"How long are you giving us?" I asked raising my head off his shoulder.

"We're going to last a lifetime, even if it makes us miserable," he answered while rubbing my back then kissing my neck.

"You're a dick," Stu said.

"You're such a jackass Phil."

"Thank you."

"I don't know what to say...thanks for the bachelor party I guess."

"Yeah. I wish we could actually remember some of it."

"Me too. I want to see how many times Phil was a whore," I said then squeaked when Phil nipped my neck roughly.

"Watch what you're saying Harper," Phil whispered seductively in my ear while pulling me more into his body.

"Hey guys, look what I found," Alan said coming up to us with a camera in his hand.

"Woah! That's my camera," Stu stated.

"Yeah, it was lodged in the backseat of the car."

"Oh God. Are there photos on it?" Phil asked.

"Yeah. Some of it's even worse than we thought."

I flew off of Phil and towards Alan with Phil right behind me, the others got up too. Stu and Phil started arguing about seeing the pictures and Doug stepped in.

"We look at these pictures together, ok? One time. And then we delete the evidence."

"I say we delete it right now.

"Are you nuts? I want to find out how I went to the hospital. Is that in there?"

"Yeah it's in there!"

"Guys, one time. Deal?"

"Got it," I said.

"Deal!"

"Deal."

"Ok."

We huddled around each other and the first picture popped up.

"Oh dear Lord!" Stu exclaimed as I gasped.

"That's classic!"

* * *

Picture 1: Alan passed out with a half naked black girl.

Picture 2: Stu sitting with strippers.

Picture 3: Chow dancing with strippers.

Picture 4: Me giving Phil a lap dance.

Picture 5: Phil feeding a sucker to a stripper with his mouth.

Picture 6: Me slapping the back of Phil's head for feeding the sucker to her.

Picture 7: All of us posing with a Vegas showgirl.

Picture 8: Stu and Jade dancing together.

Picture 9: Phil getting a lap dance from a mostly naked stripper.

Picture 10: Alan getting a lap dance from a big boobed stripper, but ignoring her.

Picture 11: Stu and Jade about to kiss.

Picture 12: Stu giving Jade a piggy back ride while she's holding a peace sign.

Picture 13: Stu pulling out his tooth.

Picture 14: All of us laughing at him while there's blood streaming out of his mouth.

Picture 15: Doug laying on newspaper dispensers.

Picture 16: Alan arresting some chick while Doug has a rifle in his hand and Phil is devouring my mouth.

Picture 17: Alan sitting by an old lady at a slot machine.

Picture 18: Alan shooting the rifle.

Picture 19: Alan passed out on a craps table.

Picture 20: We're all in a limo with some girls and I was getting a strip tease from a male stripper.

Picture 21: Phil pulling me away from the male stripper.

Picture 22: Phil's hand going up my dress with us in a heated kiss.

Picture 23: Stu with carrot top.

Picture 24: All of us with carrot top.

Picture 25: Alan getting a belly button piercing.

Picture 26: Phil laying unconscious in a hospital bed.

Picture 27: Phil awake in the hospital bed with me giving a lap dance while he's holding my boobs.

Picture 28: Doug passed out on his bed on the roof.

Picture 29: Alan dog style on Doug.

Picture 30: Tyson sleeping with his girlfriend.

Picture 31: Phil acting like he's punching Tyson.

Picture 32: Doug riding the stolen tiger.

Picture 33: The stolen tiger hugging Alan.

Picture 34: The stolen tiger rubbing his head on my stomach.

Picture 35: Alan getting a blow job in the elevator.

Picture 36: Phil has me against the elevator wall with my legs wrapped around his waist while his kissing my chest.

Picture 37: The guys holding Jade while I kneeled down and kissed her on the mouth.

Picture 38: The guys holding me like they done Jade and Jade kissing me with some tongue action.

Picture 39: The guys in their blue suits.

Picture 40: Me and Jade in our 'wedding dresses'.

Picture 41: Stu giving her a piggy back ride while she shows off the ring.

Picture 42: Phil has me picked up bridal style as I show off my ring.

Picture 43: I'm in my undergarments while Phil does a body shot off me.

Picture 44: Phil's shirt's off as I do a body shot off him.

Picture 45: Phil motor boating me.

Picture 46: Doug singing into a liquor bottle.

Picture 47: Doug trying to make a pyramid out of plastic cups but Phil keeps knocking them down.

Picture 48: All of us bobbing for apples in the hot tub.

Picture 49: Me passed out in the hot tub.

Picture 50: Stu and Jade cuddled with each other.


End file.
